The purpose of this story is to be weird and creepy. If you find mutilated body parts bothersome, this isn’t for you.
Sikander’s internship at the law clinic was going well. Just having given his A’level exams, he spent days of his summer vacation sitting in the boxy office on a small desk next to the Lawyer’s big desk. Big desk was important, always scattered with case files or fat hard cover books, and often old mugs with forgotten tea or coffee. Small desk was cleaner. Sikander dealt with any documents that needed to be drafted or any notes that needed reviewing instantly. It was seldom that he was asked to service conferences or make notes of his own, during a meeting, because of his hearing problem. He also wasn’t considered intelligent enough for legal research or study. Small desk was unimportant at most times; Sikander’s laptop sat alone for most part of the day. He didn’t feel exploited by his employers. Wasn’t that the point of having interns, he thought.
As days passed, Sikander’s morale started to diminish. He deemed it unbecoming that the Lawyer wasn’t keen on exploring his full potential. That was when he decided to volunteer help even when nobody was asking. Sitting in the Lawyer’s office, he was privy to all the cases the Lawyer and his staff discussed. Sikander decided to solve a big one for the Lawyer to prove his worth. Soon, he got his chance.
“This is a tough one. She was caught on camera…,” the Lawyer took his glasses off and rubbed his eyes, “I don’t know how to fix it.”
Waris, the Undergraduate, flipped through a hardcover book of his own. “I know it looks impossible but we just need to find a loophole. There’s always one. The law can be peculiarly ambiguous at times.”
“Yeah…a crazy big loophole is the only thing that can save her. Or she’s definitely losing this.” The Lawyer started looking something up on his MacBook.
Sikander was confused. He couldn’t understand how a crazy big poop hole could solve the case. He didn’t want to ask due to the fear of looking dumb so he decided to conduct his own research. The Google results for crazy big poop hole weren’t rewarding. The poop holes were either a weird shade of brown or were covered in wavy, curly hair. Most of them looked too small. And the craziest thing about poop holes seemed to be piercings which only decreased the diameter of the hole and acted as a double negative. It was a conundrum.
The day of the trial came by. The Lawyer was dropping papers and spilling coffee. He was nervous. They hadn’t been able to find a crazy big poop hole. The case was going to be settled in the Civil Court. Sikander asked to go along to observe and the Lawyer gave a distracted nod. Little did he know, Sikander was going to save the day. They reached the Court and got seated. The trial started and the Lawyer stuttered and sweated. It was obvious he was going to lose.
The Judge cleared his throat and began, “The jurisdiction of this Court, as is evident from-”
“No, wait!” Sikander shouted. “Before you tell me to stop or leave, please hear me out. We have something that might change your decision. My boss just forgot to mention it. Please allow me to present it.” He said quickly, heart beating so loudly that he couldn’t even hear his own words.
The Judge allowed Sikander to speak, willing to defy procedure for the rattled boy. The young intern made his way to front and faced the audience. The Lawyer looked at him with horror in his eyes. Sikander braced himself and closed his eyes. One. He unbuckled his pants. Two. He gripped the waistband. Three. He pulled his pants down and bent forward so the judge could see his poop hole. He rotated 360 degrees slowly for everyone else to see it too.
For the past few days, Sikander had been inserting various phallic shaped objects in his poop hole to increase the size. The process had been painful but also pleasurable. The size of the object varied. He wanted to loosen his poop hole as much as he could. When the size didn’t change much, Sikander had to concentrate on the crazy aspect of it. He used a pocket knife to make wavy lines around his poop hole. Before coming to Court, he painted it orange like a sun. He redid the wavy lines with the knife for the sake of fresh blood. His poop hole wasn’t big but it sure was crazy. The wild stares and shrieks told him that much.
When the guards were dragging him out, Sikander let them. He had proven his worth to the Lawyer. He came up with the crazy big poop hole. How many people could say the same?